January 19, 2015

scan0176I know I said that the last post was my last but with a rise in posts over the suicide of Leelah Alcorn, I wanted to address this issue.

Over the last couple months, I have seen a rise in comments and stories about transgender.

Recently a boy, Leelah Alcorn, committed suicide because his “Christian” parents would not accept him as a girl. There was an article that attacked Christians for not accepting transgender as a legitimate identity insisting that if Christians do not accept this mindset, they should no longer be allowed to be parents. Everything I read suggested that these parents were loving and accepting but could not accept their son’s transgender feelings.

Recently I heard that transgenders are being allowed to use the bathrooms of their choice. So, where does it stop? What is to stop a pedophile from going into a bathroom by saying that they’re transgender?

Our society is well on the road to accepting the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender) community as an identity that can’t be changed. We are told to embrace it.

What is the next fight? Will we have pedophiles peeking through the curtain? NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association) has been fighting to get the age of legal sex dropped for years. They will claim the same thing. “I was born this way and I can’t change.” How long before society starts accepting that? Some say it will never happen but that’s what was said about the LGBT community 20 to 30 years ago. Our society is on slippery slope that will not be easy to get off of.

What doesn’t make sense to me is why a loving God would make a boy and put him in a girls body or make a girl and put her in a boys body. God says that He is love. He even came down and died a brutal death so we could be free. We need to also remember that there is a devil out there that is hell bent on destroying anyone and everyone he can.

I do not profess to be an expert on this subject nor do I have all the answers. I have a lot of love and compassion for the sexually broken. What I have to say is based from my own story…the things that I have learned and come to understand. Some may disagree but it is clear to me that the root of the transgender issue is that their masculinity or femininity most likely was not affirmed. I can’t say that this is the case for everyone but it certainly was in my life.

As a child, I dealt with gender confusion. I never really fit in with guys and had an easier time fitting in with girls. I can remember being in elementary school wishing I were a girl. Most of my parent’s friends, who had kids my age, were girls. I used to dress up in dresses and play with dolls. My Mom allowed it for a time as she said it is somewhat normal for boys to be curious about such things, but once she realized it was more then just normal curiosity, she encouraged other forms of playing that didn’t involve dresses and dolls. I am in the picture on the back row, all the way to the left. I am wearing a dress in this photo.

As I got older and hit puberty, the attraction to men started. I remember feeling like I was sitting on a fence with a leg on the male side and a leg on the female side and not really belonging anywhere. That is a scary place to be. It made me an easy target especially in junior high school. Jesus has healed much of my heart from the ridicule that I endured from kids at school and youth group.

After graduating high school, I became a missionary in the Philippines with Youth With A Mission. While in their Discipleship Training School, I remember opening up about my struggle to one of our speakers who prayed for me. There isn’t a defining moment that I can pin point to say it was on that day, but God helped me off that fence and I have not returned.

I believe that my gender confusion was in part, if not all, due to the fact that I didn’t really bond with my Dad. From my recollection, he was emotionally absent. He has told me that he was never comfortable with the girly things I did as a kid. I must point out here that we did have some wonderful times together.

When I was in the ex-gay live in program, the Lord showed me that I had put up a fence around my Mom, but I had shut my Dad outside the fence. God showed me through this vision that I had rejected my masculinity. I still don’t know what the events are that led me to that decision. I may never know. My healing and growth process has not been easy but whose is?

I had actually forgotten about this part of my testimony until a couple of months ago when God reminded me of it. I guess since I haven’t dealt with it in so long, I forgot it is a vital part of my story.

I do not believe it is healthy for parents to accept this behavior and act like nothing is wrong. My life is proof that one can be healed. I realize that this is a very delicate situation and needs to be handled with much love, understanding and prayer. I’m so thankful my Mom didn’t leave me to my tendencies and push me to embrace them.
We don’t have to stay stuck. God can take our life and change it around to something beautiful. We just have to let him. It is not an easy process but it is worth fighting for!

Thank you for allowing me to share my heart and thoughts. So many are sharing and speaking about these issues who don’t have a horse in the race. Since I do, I have been wanting to share my perspective. Thanks for all the love on both sides of the issue. To think that someone could be blessed by something that has been a source of embarrassment and shame my whole life. Only God can do that.

Thank you Jerry Bryant for editing all these posts for me. This is the 5th post in this series.



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